I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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