sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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