i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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