I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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