I'll bet she douches with gravy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
