Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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