I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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