I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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