i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
