he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
