we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
