good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
