Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
