theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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