If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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