He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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