meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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