It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize