He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
