There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
