I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
