guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
