Swine flu is the new snow day.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
