It's Friday. Sex?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
