My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
