so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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