I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
