the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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