Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
