just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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