Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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