She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
