You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
