definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
