My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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