Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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