I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
