This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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