I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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