Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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