I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
