Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sobbing to NWA
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
