Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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