I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That accounts for only three of the penises
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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