im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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