is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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