Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
