As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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