in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
