You smell like stripper and shame
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
