Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
