can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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