just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I love you. Go after that dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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