Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
