her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
