we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
