then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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