The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
